Yipes...

Warning: this story may change your opinion about me (I hope it does, actually - and I hope it boosts your opinion about God's gracious willingness to 'show us our offenses...').

So I'm on facebook now, and you know how it is - about 8 hours after you sign up your inbox is flooded with people you haven't thought about in years wanting to be your friend. One of these people was an ex-boyfriend/guy I dated. He wrote a very friendly 'hello' message and in my head I thought 'um... aren't you forgetting how you (blah-blah-blah = hurt me) and neglecting the fact that I may not want to talk to you?" but I wrote a pretty basic reply and figured that would be the end of it. Men, you know?

But I got another message from him. It was an apology. And I reacted with all the self-righteousness of a successful self-help book author, balking at his failure to 'take adequate responsibility for exactly what he was apologizing for' and taking a day to tell all my friends how annoyed I was before responding in a way that would require him to be more specific about his transgression. Lovely person, aren't I?

Then I started reading my Bible. See where this is going? And I did my Bible study chapter on judgementalism and forgiveness. I started feeling pretty convicted at this point - pretty sorry for my behavior. And I realized - I am not better than any guy I ever dated. And I am not the author of forgiveness with the right to determine who deserves it and who doesn't. I am a sinner, and God forgave me when I humbled myself and went before him asking for forgiveness. I didn't have to do it exactly the 'right way' or follow any guidelines outside of sincerity - all I had to do was ask for and receive the gift of grace. And I did a lot more than hurt God's feelings. A lot. So who am I to recieve His mercy and then stand judgement over this sweet guy's apology - he humbled himself and went to the trouble of contacting me years after the fact to say he was sorry. 'Wusses' don't do that.

So I sent another message over facebook accepting his apology and wishing him well. I pray he understands my message and that God uses it to soothe his spirit. I know God is using the experience to refine mine...

Signed, a self-righteous and prideful and Forgiven daughter of the King - Kirsten